African-American Relations as I see it

*Note: The views expressed in this blog and others are strictly based on opinion and my views looking out of my eyes. This information is not an answer to your problems as my blogs are open ended and it's purpose is to get people to discuss their views and opinions based on my ignorance*

So my little sister at Eastern CT State University asked me to blog about what it is that African-American (I use this term loosely – Blog for another day) men want from there African-American girlfriends. She asked me to do this as she gets asked all the time by her friends who, I am assuming, want to figure out why black men aren’t treating them as there number one, in terms of being faithful and taking care of home. Very good choice of topic sis!

First and foremost let me say this before I go any further, I love black women and they have always been my favorite flavor. Unfortunately, my brother and I, both, have peers that have deterred from black women being there favorite flavor. According to the feedback I've received from some of my fellow black men below are some of the reasons they DON'T like dating/dealing with black women.

“Black women are too much drama; they don’t take care of us like Latino and white women do; we don’t like their stink ass attitudes.” These are just to name a few of course.

Now I can agree with them in the sense that black women have been known to be a little difficult to deal with for these very reasons; however, this does not mean that EVERY black women is nuts! I am currently dating a woman that is very intelligent, passive in the sense that she isn’t a drama queen, nor does she hit me with what Mr. Vegas calls the 5W’s.

What are you doing? Who are you screwing? Why are you lying? When was the last time I took her shopping (oh I can’t take this nagging)? Then they wanna know, Who is that? Where I’m at? Then it's WHAT…When will you be back? He then procedes to say, "sometimes you know I’m scared to go home, so I don’t even answer my phone b/c of the 5W’s!"

Honestly ladies, I really do not know what black men want. However, I do have the following suggestions:

Refrain from hitting men with the 5W’s, a little trust goes along way.
Come to the realization that MOST – not all but MOST black men cheat, I haven’t met one that doesn’t or known one that doesn’t unless they are a cornball.
Either accept it or go and get you a cornball! The young lady I’m dating kept it 100 with me, “I know your going to do your thing, as long as I don’t find out about it, it isn’t a co-worker or ex girlfriend, it isn’t a full on affair, and you take care of home…enjoy it BUT DON’T BRING ME ANYTHING!” This was and still is very shocking to me, that a woman would tell me to go ahead and do me, but at the end of the day in a sense she has come to grips with the way men are and decided that she was either going to accept it OR go and get herself a cornball.
Stop talking down to your men and uplift them by motivating them to get up and get a JOB! Most of you are dating losers for men, to be quite frank. There is a problem with most women wanting what hiphop culture has glorified…a ‘thug’.

Now let's back track, I want to define a cornball quickly for you while I’m here. A cornball, for instance, is if my fellas and I go to the strip club or a party and are trying to have some fun but all he’s worried about is being in a ‘relationship’ and going home to ‘wifey!’

Human beings aren’t monogamous creatures and with all the gorgeous women in the world it doesn’t hurt to look at the menu, of course some also order appetizers! Most cornballs are with women that cheat anyway or eventually cheat on them because they are cornballs – in this world EVERYTHING balances out!

I also want to touch more on the Suggestion #4, even before hiphop, women were attracted to the rugged type of men. For instance, my mom and dad. Find someone that can and will bring equality to your relationship because there aren’t too many drug dealers out there that are smart enough to sustain themselves.

You should get to a certain age where you out grow that mentality and look at other factors. Instead of saying ‘What do men want?’ say to yourself, ‘What do I wan’t? What am I looking for out of a relationship?’ then and only then can you truly find your place. Do you want a man that you have to constantly take care of financially? Do you want a leech, baby can I get 20 dollars? Baby I need to re-up, let me get a stack? WTF, NO you don’t, or at least you shouldn't, want that!

I’m sure you want a house, you want to travel, you want to go places and do things – I bet most of the men you are dating aren’t really keeping up with much. The problem with my dad and most men is that we become complacent very easily – on top of the fact that we want to live a young man's fast life, even after we hit retirement. The reason we can do this is because women allow it, you need to change the cycle now if you are ever going to have a fulfilling relationship with a black man.

I don’t know if I got anywhere with this or answered any of your questions about black men and what you need to do to please them this summer but the truth of the matter is we are dogs, that cannot be denied. Just remember, acceptance is the key and every dog can be trained to a certain extent. As females there is a certain self-respect you should have. I personally believe, going out and being a female dog takes away from that self-respect.

Accept us for what we are and gauge it accordingly. If you raise your self-expectations you will end up dating a man that isn’t as bad as the rest, I suppose in theory. And for the black men out there like my friends and my little brother and his friends, there are some good black women out there, I know you love the bunnies and the Spanish wet, or what I like to call the Spanish Fly trap, but trust me Black women are where it's at. I think both genders need to meet half way on this and learn compromise…compromise and communication are key!

Twitter.com/ShelbyWu – Go get yourself a twitter people!!!