Thou Shalt not Judge

As the summer is upon us anyone that knows me knows that I have been discussing up coming family events: my older brother's wedding and the arrival of my new child. This past weekend was my brothers fiancee's bridal shower, only my mother went. I come from a very big family - 10 brothers and sisters between my mom and dad (17 all together).

I have an older sister, let's call her Francine, who is married. She lives in the same state as my mom and dad and has 2 children, 1 my sons age and another little boy who's about 2 now. She NEVER brings her children to see my mom and dad, yet she always takes them to her mother in-laws house. Now mind you, Francine grew up, in my eyes, as one of the favorites as my mom and dad (esp dad) spoiled her ass. Given the attention she got why wouldn't she be more willing to come see her mom so that she could enjoy the company of her grand-kids? My son is at the house every weekend; even when I lived on the West Coast his mother made sure she brought him by. Now I'm going to be honest, and you can ask my own family, I'm the type of person that keeps to myself but to keep my son from seeing and knowing his grandparents....nope.

See as my mom would say, my family suffers from 'class prejudice'. My soon to be sister-in-law had her bridal shower, and as I stated earlier, only my mother attended. None of my sisters went because, to be quite frank and honest, they are all to bitchy and boogie to go. Francine's husband grew up in my home town in the projects, his mother remarried an accountant so they have a little money. Francine is always up under his side of the family, especially her mother in-law but what about her own mother? She worked two jobs, raised her, and gave her an opportunity to have the life that she has. Is this how she repays her, by not giving her the 'god' given right to see her grandchildren? My mother calls daily to say hi to her grand-kids, yet she never sees them. She always has to hear 'French' say , my mother in-law this and my mother in law that. My mom doesn't say/show it but I know it hurts her feelings. My mom's house isn't a big, beautiful, fancy place but we all grew up here. And hell, if you grew up here why can't your kids even visit? Here's a hypothetical situation, if Francine's husband's mom didn't re-marry and was still a single mom w/o the big house, husband, and income would she be all in her ass like she is now?

I have noticed how 'American' families, black families especially aren't necessarily as ambitious as say black Caribbean families. All too often black American families have a select few people that may have good careers and a college education while the rest lead mediocre lives. BUT, when they get together, they aren't judgmental and they truly have a good time enjoying being a family. My family is of Jamaican decent, I was the last one born in Jamaica. All of my siblings, except for myself, have been to college. I mean they have great careers, are college educated, and some have their own families, like Francine and my other sister Abigail. But when it comes to our family as a whole it seems as if we are all illiterate.

After yesterday's incident I really felt compelled to figure out where the problem lies. Why does my family have to be so judgmental of people and of their own family? Why can't we just live and let live? Now this isn't all about Francine, almost all of my older siblings are boogie. Last year for my mom's birthday, Francine and Abigail argued over money, shopping, household,...etc. They put their own competition above my moms happiness and event. To this day they do not talk, eventhough they have kids (whom are cousins). If you were to come by my house on the weekend you would think my mom only had 1 grandchild, my son. Granted Abigail will bring her infant around, esp as he gets older, but Francine NEVER will. She was upset with me yesterday because she was on the phone with my mom and I said out loud, "tell her to bring your grand-kids to see you". Her response was "you never call me." What the f*ck, bitch I'm not the grandparent, your mom is! Your hurting her not me, it's disrespectful and a f*cking slap in the face. I personally don't fuck with Francine for this very reason, the bitch wants us to come to her house, I'm guessing because my mom's crib isn't as boogie as hers or her mother-in-laws.

Back to my brother's fiancee's wedding shower or w/e. I have more sisters than brothers....none of my boogie ass, I'm better than you sisters went and that's just hilarious. My girlfriend is from Harlem, NY. Now, she is the first in her family to graduate from college, and trust me she is boogie too (lmao), but ALL of her family: aunts, uncles, grandchildren and great grandchildren frequently visit her grannie's house. Christmas eve was amazing, it made me kind of jealous that they can come together as a family, laugh, crack jokes and show love without prejudice. My siblings swear they are better than people, especially black Americans. My sister can date/marry them but despise their 'ghetto, dirty' families. What the fuck is wrong with them you ask?! Well... I haven't the slightest idea. See what they (my fam) doesn't understand is that they aren't taking their degree, marriage, money or fancy material shit to the grave. We come from a large family and we don't get to enjoy it.

I don't know where I'm going with this, hearing my mother talk inspired me to start typing away on my Blackberry. Now to be fair to Francine I want to reiterate that she, Abigail, Mark, Monique, Gyllian and Danielle are uppity elitist people and it needs to stop! Antonio and my sister down in Florida are very down to earth people. Matthew is too, lol, for the most part and of course myself, but at the end of the day we are all judgmental in some form or fashion, my girlfriend in Harlem knows this very well.

Things my siblings say: black people are so ghetto, eeew they are so dirty, fucking Yankees, etc. Mark last night on his way to his fiancee's bridal shower said "dirty ass brooklyn." Well, you're marrying someone from there and you love her, why can't you love/accept where she's from? Don't get me wrong, she's boogie too. Once they were moving and Matthew brought a friend to help them move, his fiancee wasn't comfy with this and asked that the friend watch the truck. Matthew was hella tight and left, he didn't finish helping them because to him that was disrespectful, especially since they could have used the help...they were to good for it, above it.

Abigail, according to my mother, is at my cousins house today. He is married to a doctor (which is why she's there) if he wasn't I highly doubt she'd be hanging out with them/him. Hmm, I need another example...oh my sister Monique has a boyfriend she lives with and she is soooo judgmental of her boyfriend's American family, but then again Monique has been like this since she was a kid...she's always thought she is better than people.

My sister Gyllian is a huge germaphobe, she vacuums her car 10 times a week because of her 'dirty American' friends. Anyway, that's my dysfunctional family, wish we could be closer and not so judgmental. Live and let live ya know?!

Hate Crime or Fraud? Falsifying a Gender

April 22nd 2009, a Colorado man was convicted of first degree murder and a hate crime for killing what he thought was his ‘female’ date. Just last week a transgendered man went on a radio show and released a diss track against Chingy the rapper claiming to have slept with Chingy a few times. My question for you all is this; is it OK for a transgendered person to NOT tell their date, partner, lover, or interest about their TRUE gender and identity? People are jailed all the time for falsifying and forging documents and people with the AIDS virus are prosecuted for not telling their partners they are infected. If this is the case why are we prosecuting those that have reacted to the un-imaginable, why is it murder and not manslaughter, why am I even writing about this now and how come legislators haven’t mentioned this already?

Don’t get me wrong, this is NOT about straight vs homosexual, this is about falsifying an identity. That is truly fraud, in my opinion. I am not homophobic by any means and know many homosexual people that I consider friends and family. The key to this is knowing they are homosexual, not knowing wouldn’t be so bad either, I suppose, if they are who they are (Popeye). But for someone to change their gender, meet a person, get to know them in all aspects that a person gets to know one in a relationship without telling them the TRUTH is a BLATANT LIE AND IS FRAUD! To prevent transgenders from being murdered out of a natural reaction, especially for males with high levels of testosterone and pride, I believe indicating your TRUE gender should be THE LAW! This would give those that potentially can be duped into thinking the person is, in fact who they say they are a chance to decide if they want to move forward or not…hey it’s their business and should be their decision. To act like a female but really be male or vice versa is morally wrong in every way, form, or fashion. And for people to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law with NO leniency is absurd!

That transsexual rapper is lucky Chingy didn’t body him (No pun intended)! Seriously though, he is truly lucky. Transgenders are killed all the time, NOT because they are drag queens or butch dykes – but because they are LIARS! We have all seen Ace Ventura Pet detective, all the men on their wanted the head lady cop only to find out she was a MAN in the end. Ask yourself, if you were intimate with someone only to find out they were not truly who they say they are in terms of gender, would that NOT send you over the edge? How is this a hate crime when the motive doesn’t match, we aren’t talking about people that are going out in the public preying on the homosexual, bi-sexual or transgendered. We are talking about people that were lied to mentally, emotionally and most important of all PHYSICALLY! We are sending people to jail that either were looking for some fun, to start a relationship and/or maybe even to start a family. By not telling a person you are not the gender you appear to be is so wrong I can’t begin to fathom how this has been let go all these years under the guise of a ‘hate crime.’

The media keeps portraying these liars as victims when the true victims are the ones that gave of themselves only to be lead on and lied to. These are the ones that need the emotional support and counseling, these are the ones that should get lighter sentences and leniency for reacting naturally. The liars should be prosecuted just like those who steal identities, falsify documents, commit fraud, purgery, and pass on the aids virus without letting their partners know. To not be told is NOT consent, because the transgendered know that most will not accept them as transgendered they lie and this country protects that? Sometimes this country is so ASS BACKWARDS (no pun intended) that they protect the criminals and lock up those that, for the umpteenth time I’ve said in this blog, are THE VICTIMS!!!

I am very interested in hearing your feedback regarding this topic!

Twitter.com/Shelbywu

Myspace.com/Shelbywurecords

Drtgreene.blogspot.com

African-American Relations as I see it

*Note: The views expressed in this blog and others are strictly based on opinion and my views looking out of my eyes. This information is not an answer to your problems as my blogs are open ended and it's purpose is to get people to discuss their views and opinions based on my ignorance*

So my little sister at Eastern CT State University asked me to blog about what it is that African-American (I use this term loosely – Blog for another day) men want from there African-American girlfriends. She asked me to do this as she gets asked all the time by her friends who, I am assuming, want to figure out why black men aren’t treating them as there number one, in terms of being faithful and taking care of home. Very good choice of topic sis!

First and foremost let me say this before I go any further, I love black women and they have always been my favorite flavor. Unfortunately, my brother and I, both, have peers that have deterred from black women being there favorite flavor. According to the feedback I've received from some of my fellow black men below are some of the reasons they DON'T like dating/dealing with black women.

“Black women are too much drama; they don’t take care of us like Latino and white women do; we don’t like their stink ass attitudes.” These are just to name a few of course.

Now I can agree with them in the sense that black women have been known to be a little difficult to deal with for these very reasons; however, this does not mean that EVERY black women is nuts! I am currently dating a woman that is very intelligent, passive in the sense that she isn’t a drama queen, nor does she hit me with what Mr. Vegas calls the 5W’s.

What are you doing? Who are you screwing? Why are you lying? When was the last time I took her shopping (oh I can’t take this nagging)? Then they wanna know, Who is that? Where I’m at? Then it's WHAT…When will you be back? He then procedes to say, "sometimes you know I’m scared to go home, so I don’t even answer my phone b/c of the 5W’s!"

Honestly ladies, I really do not know what black men want. However, I do have the following suggestions:

Refrain from hitting men with the 5W’s, a little trust goes along way.
Come to the realization that MOST – not all but MOST black men cheat, I haven’t met one that doesn’t or known one that doesn’t unless they are a cornball.
Either accept it or go and get you a cornball! The young lady I’m dating kept it 100 with me, “I know your going to do your thing, as long as I don’t find out about it, it isn’t a co-worker or ex girlfriend, it isn’t a full on affair, and you take care of home…enjoy it BUT DON’T BRING ME ANYTHING!” This was and still is very shocking to me, that a woman would tell me to go ahead and do me, but at the end of the day in a sense she has come to grips with the way men are and decided that she was either going to accept it OR go and get herself a cornball.
Stop talking down to your men and uplift them by motivating them to get up and get a JOB! Most of you are dating losers for men, to be quite frank. There is a problem with most women wanting what hiphop culture has glorified…a ‘thug’.

Now let's back track, I want to define a cornball quickly for you while I’m here. A cornball, for instance, is if my fellas and I go to the strip club or a party and are trying to have some fun but all he’s worried about is being in a ‘relationship’ and going home to ‘wifey!’

Human beings aren’t monogamous creatures and with all the gorgeous women in the world it doesn’t hurt to look at the menu, of course some also order appetizers! Most cornballs are with women that cheat anyway or eventually cheat on them because they are cornballs – in this world EVERYTHING balances out!

I also want to touch more on the Suggestion #4, even before hiphop, women were attracted to the rugged type of men. For instance, my mom and dad. Find someone that can and will bring equality to your relationship because there aren’t too many drug dealers out there that are smart enough to sustain themselves.

You should get to a certain age where you out grow that mentality and look at other factors. Instead of saying ‘What do men want?’ say to yourself, ‘What do I wan’t? What am I looking for out of a relationship?’ then and only then can you truly find your place. Do you want a man that you have to constantly take care of financially? Do you want a leech, baby can I get 20 dollars? Baby I need to re-up, let me get a stack? WTF, NO you don’t, or at least you shouldn't, want that!

I’m sure you want a house, you want to travel, you want to go places and do things – I bet most of the men you are dating aren’t really keeping up with much. The problem with my dad and most men is that we become complacent very easily – on top of the fact that we want to live a young man's fast life, even after we hit retirement. The reason we can do this is because women allow it, you need to change the cycle now if you are ever going to have a fulfilling relationship with a black man.

I don’t know if I got anywhere with this or answered any of your questions about black men and what you need to do to please them this summer but the truth of the matter is we are dogs, that cannot be denied. Just remember, acceptance is the key and every dog can be trained to a certain extent. As females there is a certain self-respect you should have. I personally believe, going out and being a female dog takes away from that self-respect.

Accept us for what we are and gauge it accordingly. If you raise your self-expectations you will end up dating a man that isn’t as bad as the rest, I suppose in theory. And for the black men out there like my friends and my little brother and his friends, there are some good black women out there, I know you love the bunnies and the Spanish wet, or what I like to call the Spanish Fly trap, but trust me Black women are where it's at. I think both genders need to meet half way on this and learn compromise…compromise and communication are key!

Twitter.com/ShelbyWu – Go get yourself a twitter people!!!