BLACK: The GIFT and the CURSE

It's been a few months since I've last blogged and a lot has happened, lately, with my peers, comrades,...etc.

I watched a video on the internet today of a police officer jumping out of his vehicle to harrass some young niggaz (yeah I used the N word) b/c one of them was sagging, showing off 4-5 inches of his boxers. Now some of you may be against sagging and/or showing your underwear but that's a blog for another day.

As the officer went on his tirade throwing his weight around the young man, at the hood of the cop car, basically made it a racial profiling thing. The officer said look me in the eye and say that, as the young man looked him in the eye the officer shoved him by the throat and arrested him for disorderly conduct...BULLSHIT! I became enraged, playing over and over and over again in my head how many times I have personally witnessed similar things. In disgust I wondered how such a thing could be placed on the internet; yet, no recourse for that young man, that had to go to jail because of a hating ass insecure cop that preys on the youth due to their own ignorance, has been made.

Tonight, I watched a movie 'Young Cesar.' The gist of the movie is about two brothers whose father was incarcerated. Cesar, the older brother, is up to his head in drugs with a pusher that set his dad up and ultimately set him up. Cesar, his little brothers keeper, did his best to keep his brother out of that life and in amateur boxing. Subsequently, his boss put a hit out on him that went wrong and Cesar in the end killed him, causing him to go to jail.

The difficult/emotional part, for me, was seeing Cesar's dad be released from prison as he entered it. You see, that deal was to be Cesar's last. His girl told him she was pregnant and he wanted to be there for his child so he was quitting the game...that never happened. DEA agents had a snitch that recorded the whole drug deal. At that point, Cesar traded places with his father.

This movie is just a fictional tale of many real instances that go on similarly every damn day and I'm tired. Two niggaz I know recently went down for a homicide, one of them has a beautiful little girl...she may never have a functioning relationship with him.

Last week, another nigga I know was shot dead, police reported to the shooting. When they found nothing they left only to be called back the next morning and discover his body. He was killed on his 26th birthday.

Another really close friend of mine is in the halfway house ready to be free, only to get caught up in the cycle of life before he returns to jail. His little brother, the LAST person I would ever want to see go to jail will be going in for 18 months.

Another one of my niggaz got 5 years, he violated probation when the police beat him up, he has 3 kids. Another one of my niggaz violated almost a year ago when he was beat up ON CAMERA by the police, he's completing a 5 year bid too. He, also, has a little boy.

I'm so sick and tired of seeing this happen over and over again to black people, whether it be black on black crime or us against the man, it's a constant struggle. I'm one of the only ones to make it out with absolutely no criminal record and somehow that makes me feel guilty that I didn't share their fate.

I'm not a big Lil' Wayne fan, but he sings the hook on The Games 'My Life' track. That hook is so deep it sends chills up my spine everytime I hear it.

"I'm grindin til I'm tired of this/They say you ain't grinding til you tired/so I'm grinding with my eyes wide/looking to find a way through the day/A life for the night/Dear Lord you done took so many of my people I'm just wonderin why you haven't taken my life?/Like what the hell ain't I doing right?"

The cycle of black lives lost is devastating: death, prison, and children with absent mothers and fathers...it's really starting to jerk at my heart.

My little brother just barely got into college. Most of his friends don't have much of a future, unfortunately. He, like me, just barely made it out by the skin of his teeth.

Often times I debate with a friend of mine regarding the 'black' experience. This is most times a huge part of that debate.

I called this Blog 'BLACK: The Gift and the Curse' because for some reason, it seems we are cursed, the only gift is for those like myself that have made it out, at least for the mean time.

For my cursed brothers and sisters out there I feel your pain and I wish it wasn't like this...damn why does it have to be like this?

Those of y'all locked up hold ya head, and for those fallen soldiers may all of you RIP.